The Donnie Report, May 26 2016


The Donnie Report

(Stupid News Stories)

Donnie Sommers is the investigative monkey here at the TK Radio Network. You can find him on Facebook as ‘Donnie Sommers’. Donnie reports on some of the most stupid news stories that can be found in the internet today.

Disclaimer: We’ve been over this many times- you should know by now that Donnie is a Monkey. That’s all we need to say! Now, On to the Stupidity!


We’re starting off our Stupidity Tour in Grand Rapids, MI this time around…

Man Tries To Rob Bank After Paying A Wizard $500 To Make Him Invisible  

By Wendy Reed May 6, 2013 4:34 PM

Wizards are pretty sweet. I mean, if we are to believe movies like “Harry Potter” and “Lord Of The Rings”, wizards can do some pretty awesome stuff. Like make people invisible. Unfortunately for one man, wizards aren’t real, at least not in the Harry Potter sense of the word. So, when you pay a “wizard” $500 so that you can be invisible and rob a bank, it’s probably going to backfire.

The man hasn’t been named, but at least we have his photo. He allegedly told the judge at his trial,

I made a mistake. I understand now what a big trick was played on me.

The guy’s first mistake was simply walking into the bank and randomly grabbing money out of customer’s hands (because, you know, he was invisible). Seeing what was happening, people in the bank quickly overpowered and then subdued him.

I wonder if police ever found that wizard?


Burglar arrested after leaving behind signed note

Austin, Texas…

By Claire RickePublished: May 23, 2016, 12:10 pm  Updated: May 23, 2016, 3:02 pm

Mark Kenady (Austin Police Department)

AUSTIN (KXAN) — An Austin man discovered several items were stolen from his house with a handwritten message left behind by the burglar.

Police identified and arrested the suspect, Mark Kenady, 56, after he left a note in an acquaintance’s apartment explaining why he stole from him. The home owner returned to his residence May 2, around around 5:35 p.m. to find his flat screen TV, cash, and other items missing from his home. A broken window indicated the suspect entered the apartment after breaking it and reaching through to unlock the door, according to the affidavit.

Left on the kitchen counter, the handwritten note appeared to be a confession. In the note, Kenady detailed the victim’s failure to lend him $2 the night before. He said the victim would be “taxed” as payback for not letting him borrow money. The victim told police the night before the burglary, Kenady came over to ask for money and calmly left when he told him he didn’t have cash.

The note continued, expressing the burglar’s appreciation of the victim explaining that he isn’t upset. The suspect signed the note “Mark Kenady.”

The signature was compared to Kenady’s driver’s license leading police to arrest him. Kenady is being held on a $20,000 bond.


In a story destined to be on the annual Darwin Report… out of Baltimore, MD-

Man Severely Burned After Using Gas To Fuel Brush Fire

Monday, May 23 2016
Associated Press

FALLSTON (AP) — Fire officials say a Harford County man was severely burned when he used gasoline to fuel a brush pile fire.

The Office of the State Fire Marshal said in a news release that 45-year-old Robert Williams of Fallston used gasoline to ignite the fire. Officials say vapors ignited and caused a flash fire that burned Williams on his face, hands and arms.

Authorities say Williams was flown to the Johns Hopkins Burn Center in Baltimore. Officials say he was in stable condition with second- and third-degree burns.

The fire marshal’s office says residents must never use gasoline to accelerate or assist in open air burning.


Report: Drunk man jumps into lion enclosure, attempts to shake hands

Apparently, we’ve started outsourcing ‘stupid’ to India as well…

Brandon Launerts

HYDERABAD, India–  A park visitor, who was reportedly drunk, has been arrested in India after he was caught on camera trespassing into a lion exhibit at the Nehru Zoo Park in India.

According to The Hindu, the 35-year-old man entered the exhibit that was located more than 12 feet below ground level. He then approached the lions and put his hand out towards the lions to try to shake the lion’s hand.

“He was lucky, as the lions are usually wary of water. Given that these cats are human reared, they are tamer than wild cats and do not see humans as prey. Had it been the tiger’s moat, Mukesh would have become fodder,” said one of the zoo staff.

A crowd of visitors were shouting at the man at an attempt to get him to safety. Zoo officials eventually lowered a long pole for him to climb from while urging him to swim away from the lions.

“Mukesh was lucky that he got away. He was completely drunk when he jumped in,” a zoo official said.

Nobody was injured in this incident, the man was charged under the Wildlife Protection Act.


A pair of glasses were left on the floor at a museum and everyone mistook it for art

I’m surprised we don’t see more from San Francisco. But it makes sense that this news story comes from there.

The teen behind the hoax had similar success with a baseball cap and a bin

Christopher Hooton

Several visitors to the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art this week were fooled into thinking a pair of glasses set on the floor by a 17-year-old prankster was a postmodern masterpiece.

“Upon first arrival we were quite impressed with the artwork and paintings presented in the huge facility,” TJ Khayatan toldBuzzFeed. “However, some of the ‘art’ wasn’t very surprising to some of us.”

“We stumbled upon a stuffed animal on a gray blanket and questioned if this was really impressive to some of the nearby people.”

To test out the theory that people will stare at, and try and artistically interpret, anything if it’s in a gallery setting, Khayatan set a pair of glasses down and walked away.

Soon, people began to surround them, maintaining a safe distance from the ‘artwork’ and several of them taking pictures.

I like to think they imagined the floored glasses to represent the dumbing down of culture, or perhaps the viewing of life through a lens, possibly with a nice, lower-case title like ‘myopia‘ or ‘real eyes (real lies)‘.

The teen tweeted the moment on 24 May and it’s already attracted over 45,000 retweets, ironically making the whole event a sort of modern art piece itself.

Khayatan previously had similar success with a baseball cap and a bin.

The stunt brings to mind a similar one in 2014 which saw restaurant critics unknowingly served McDonald’s.

(Pic: TJ Khayatan)

Khayatan was quick to defend modern art though.

“I can agree that modern art can be a joke sometimes, but art is a way to express our own creativity,” he added.

“Some may interpret it as a joke, some might find great spiritual meaning in it. At the end of the day, I see it as a pleasure for open-minded people and imaginative minds.”


A Tesla driver was caught sleeping on the highway with his car on Autopilot

Dave Smith

We can’t be certain, but it looks like this Tesla owner is asleep at the wheel while his Model S is on Autopilot.

We found this GIF via Reddit’s Tesla Motors community.

Autopilot is a pretty incredible system. It uses 13 ultrasonic sensors to help Tesla cars steer themselves and change lanes, avoid obstacles and barriers, and even park themselves. There’s even a feature where you can “summon” your car to come pick you up.

That said, Autopilot doesn’t mean Tesla’s cars with this software are fully autonomous. Far from it: Tesla and its CEO Elon Musk have repeatedly told drivers not to sleep at the wheel with Autopilot on, and that it’s important for drivers to have their hands on the wheel in case anything should happen.

We reached out to Tesla about this particular instance. The company provided the following statement to Tech Insider:

Tesla Autopilot is designed to provide a hands-on experience to give drivers more confidence behind the wheel, increase their safety on the road, and make highway driving more enjoyable. Autopilot is by far the most advanced such system on the road, but it does not turn a Tesla into an autonomous vehicle and does not allow the driver to abdicate responsibility. Since the release of Autopilot, we’ve continuously educated customers on the use of the feature, reminding them that they’re responsible for remaining alert and present when using Autopilot and must be prepared to take control at all times.

Tesla’s Autopilot system is improving all the time but it’s not infallible: Tesla owners have complained about their cars trying to do things they don’t want, like swerving into traffic orexiting too early off the highway. One owner even had his Autopilot system knocked out by a large moth.

At some point, Tesla cars will be fully autonomous. In January, Musk said that your car could travel across the country in order to find you, knowing how and when to refuel along the way, in as little as two years from now. That’s pretty insane. But in the meantime, don’t do what this guy did. Don’t sleep at the wheel — with or without Autopilot.


West Virginia Woman Accused of Punching Teen Son Over Taco Bell Burrito Order


A West Virginia mother was recently charged with child abuse after she allegedly punched her 15-year-old son in the face during an argument over a burrito.

Loretta Lynn Armstrong is seen in a booking photo posted on the West Virginia Regional Jail and Correctional Facility Authority website.

Loretta Lynn Armstrong, 48, was arrested on May 13 after police responded to her Mason Avenue home in Milton on a domestic disturbance call, reported.

Officers spotted Armstrong punching her son over what both parties described as an argument over a burrito, according to the Dispatch.

The 15-year-old had apparently ordered the wrong toppings on his mother’s burrito when he went to a Taco Bell earlier in the day, local television stationWCHS reported.

“The mother was hitting her child in the face,” Cpl. Dean Bishop told WCHS.

Armstrong then threw herself to the ground and complained of chest pains when officers tried to handcuff her, according to the Dispatch.

“She screamed and cussed and yelled and claimed she was having a heart attack,” Bishop told WCHS.

Emergency crews performed an EKG and determined she was not having a heart attack before she was eventually taken into custody, the Dispatch reported.

It took officers nearly three hours from the time they arrived at the scene to get Armstrong into custody, according to WCHS.

“There’s a difference between spanking your kid and punching your child in the face,” Bishop told the television station. “There’s no sense in ever getting into an argument like that over a burrito — just let it go.”

Armstrong was charged with felony child abuse and misdemeanor counts of obstruction, intimidating a public official and disorderly conduct.


And now, in a scene directly from Mel Brooks Blazing Saddles…

Documents: Drug smuggling suspect punched border patrol horse staff

10:09 AM, May 24, 2016

3:22 PM, May 24, 2016

southern arizona

A woman arrested during a drug smuggling bust was also booked into jail on an animal cruelty charge after she reportedly punched a border agent’s horse.

Border Patrol agents were conducting enforcement operations near Why, Ariz. late at night on May 21 when they spotted a group of about nine people wearing large backpacks in the desert.

According to police paperwork, the area is frequently used by illegal immigrants and narcotics smugglers trying to get to Interstate 8.

Ground units located the group and took them into custody after they tried to run away. Karla Banegas-Banegas, one of the suspects in the group, struck a Border Patrol horse “in the face with a closed fist,” paperwork says.

Seven backpacks were located nearby with what was determined to be 374 pounds of marijuana. The street value of the marijuana is worth more than $500,000.

A few people in the group admitted to smuggling the drugs, but Banegas-Banegas remained silent.

Banegas-Banegas was transferred to Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office and booked into jail on counts of drug possession and transport, as well as animal cruelty to a work animal.


Vegan lecturer, 34, who attempted to climb Mount Everest to prove ‘vegans can do anything’… only to die from altitude sickness

  • Dr Maria Strydom died on Saturday afternoon after taking ill on Everest
  • The 34-year-old was joined by her husband Robert for the challenge
  • She was an experienced climber who previously conquered Kilimanjaro
  • Earlier she told students she wanted to prove vegans were not ‘weak’
  • Eric Arnold, a 36-year-old Dutch national, also died in the climb  


PUBLISHED: 18:22 EST, 21 May 2016 | UPDATED: 12:15 EST, 23 May 2016

Maria Strydom, a 34-year-old lecturer at Monash University in Melbourne, died as she made her way down Mount Everest on Saturday

A woman who died of altitude sickness while climbing Mount Everest took on the challenge to prove that ‘vegans can do anything’.

Maria Strydom died on Saturday afternoon after having to turn back from the final leg of the expedition because she felt unwell.

She returned to Camp 4, the last camp before the mountain’s summit, on Friday where she spent the night but died from lack of oxygen the following day.

The 34-year-old South African national taught at Monash University in Melbourne and was an experienced climber.

Her husband Robert Gropel is injured but, according to trip organisers, ‘100 per cent safe’.

Weeks before her death Dr Strydom told how she and her husband wanted to dispel the belief that vegans were ‘weak’ or ‘malnourished’ by taking on the climb.

‘It seems that people have this warped idea of vegans being malnourished and weak.

‘By climbing the seven summits we want to prove that vegans can do anything and more,’ she said in an interview with the university where she worked.

She also told of the dangers most climbers feared when taking on the mountain.

‘We’ve all heard stories of frostbite and having to turn around from excessive waiting times due to inexperienced people blocking routes.

‘This can lead to life threatening situations and death where Sherpas and other climbers have to risk their lives to attempt rescues.’

Dr Strydom had begun climbing from Camp 4, the highest camp before the summit, on Friday but was forced to turn back when she felt unwell.

She returned to the camp site at 26,085ft with a sherpa while others in her group carried on. Her husband is though to have reached the summit.

On Saturday, after spending the night at Camp 4, her condition deteriorated. She ‘stopped breathing’ due to a lack of oxygen that afternoon, said a spokesman for Seven Summit Treks.

Dr Strydom was climbing with her husband Robert (above together) and a group of 10 others 

The South African national (above during a previous expedition) was an experienced climber who previously conquered Kilimanjaro

Dr Strydom, a university finance lecturer, took on the seven summit challenge with her husband 

Dutch national Eric Arnold, 36, also died after falling ill. It was his fifth attempt at climbing Everest. On Friday he shared a celebratory photograph on Twitter after reaching the summit.

A tourism official later confirmed he died while making his descent after complaining of weakness. Authorities are liaising with those in the Netherlands to organise for his body to be airlifted off the mountain.

It is not clear when Dr Strydom’s body will be returned to Australia. The trek company confirmed on Sunday it was still on the mountain.

‘A sherpa has to carry the body to Camp 1 where an air ambulance can pick up but (it is) not fixed when to do that still (sic)’ they said.

Her husband, they added, was at base camp. A Department of Foreign Affairs spokesman told Daily Mail Australia it was assisting an ‘injured’ Australian man believed to be Dr Strydom’s husband.

‘The Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade is providing consular assistance to the family of an Australian woman reported to have died on Mt Everest in Nepal.

Mount Everest was the latest peak in the couple’s ‘seven summit’ climbing challenge. Above, Dr Strydom at the top of Denali, the highest mountain in North America

The 34-year-old (seen above with her husband at Uhuru Peak on Kilimanjaro during a previous climb) said she wanted to dispel the idea vegans were ‘weak’ or ‘malnourished’ by climbing Everest

Above, a spokesman for the trekking company pointed out where she died on a map on Sunday 


A live GPS map tracking Dr Strydom’s movements gave her family updates on her whereabouts

‘DFAT is also providing consular assistance to an injured Australian man accompanying the woman,’ they said.

The woman’s mother, Maritha, shared her grief on Sunday after going days without news from her daughter or son-in-law.

Calling her Marisa, she said she was ‘too devastated to communicate’ after learning of her death. Only hours earlier she shared a post revealing she had heard of Mr Arnold’s death but had no news of her daughter.

‘No contact with Marisa or Rob yet. We’re using all possible ways to locate them,’ she said.

Another woman claiming to be the lecturer’s sister took to the Facebook page of trek organisers Arnold Coster Expenditions to claim she learned of her death online.

‘I have just read online that my sister Maria died on Everest. Why can’t you contact the family before we have to find out this way?’ she said.

She later told AAP they learned of the death through The Himalayan Times, a Nepalese newspaper.

Eric Arnold, a 36-year-old Dutch national, also died on Saturday from altitude sickness. He is pictured above during previous climbs



It was Mr Arnold’s fifth attempt at the mountain. He reached the summit on Friday, informing friends online of the accomplishment

On Friday Mr Arnold celebrated reaching the mountain’s peak by sharing this photograph on Twitter

The family had been concerned for Dr Strydom and her husband after going several days with no news of the pair while they completed the toughest portion of the climb.

They had been monitoring a GPS tracker for updates which gave their last known location on Saturday.

On Sunday Dr Strydom’s mother said she was ‘praying’ for her son-in-law’s safety.  She earlier told friends that it was the couple’s ‘mission’ to become the ‘first vegans’ to climb Everest.

‘Their mission is to demonstrate that Vegan people can achieve anything everyone else can,’ she said.

Monash University shared a tribute to the lecturer on Sunday afternoon, writing: ‘The Monash University community is deeply saddened by the tragic news of the loss of Dr Maria Strydom on Mt Everest.

‘We are liaising with authorities and our heartfelt thoughts and support are extended to Maria’s family, her friends, colleagues and students.’

DailyMail on Facebook


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